prohibitions | When love became an act of defiance

Abel can't help but click his tongue at that. "You should have. I stand by it," he replies with a bit of a huff. There's a lack of bite in his words, but he doesn't mean it any less. Though, he doesn't know if it would be for Jonathan's sake or his own.

Yet, he leans into every touch Jonathan gives him. His heart flutters with smile. "You wouldn't, but is that really better?" It would be better to completely forget, wouldn't it? Jonathan remembering him would be much more painful than forgetting him completely wouldn't it? Are memories of him that valuable to the other?

And he really can't figure the other out. How can they be so optimistic? Better circumstances? Relearn things? Why is Jonathan so sure that they would see each other again? "What makes you think we'll see each other again? You seem so sure that there will be a future for us." He doesn't even mean one between them. Just this implication that they'll interact again.

As mind boggling as Jonathan's actions and thoughts were, there was something so endearing and sweet about it. Or maybe it was merely because he never had anyone be so loyal to him in such a heartfelt manner. Perplexing, honestly.

All Jonathan can do is smile playfully, "You should've tried a little harder." It wouldn't have changed the outcome, he thinks, but it probably would've driven him up the wall.

There is a flash of pain in his expression as his thumb brushes over Abel's cheek, "I'd rather lose a fraction of you than all of you." He wouldn't trade any of the memories he had of Abel for anything in the world. He'd rather yearn than completely forget as if all this time together never existed.

It took so long to earn Abel's trust, to see him smile that wasn't completely forced, to watch him look at the world outside of the cage his father kept him with such wonder, the soft moments where is other wasn't completely awake. Those moments, among others, were irreplaceable.

Jonathan tilts his head at the question, "I'm no seer... Its just a feeling I have." He knows its a naive answer to give but its all he has. Jonathan has seen the people at the events and meetings he accompanies Abel to, it wouldn't be difficult to be hired by one those families after his contract was over or if he was fired. The only worry his has with the latter is his name could easily be sullied by his father in this particular circle if that man wished it.

It wouldn't stop him from trying to seek the other though, even if it would be difficult.

"You're unnecessarily stubborn. Git," Abel says. He can't help the slight upturn of his lips. A fond expression despite his admonishing.

The expression. The feeling. The taste. It actually manages to make Abel a small gagging sound. He doesn't like it. Decidedly, he doesn't want to experience that again. Decidedly, he realizes, how much he wants Jonathan to be happy.

As far as revelations go, this was honestly pretty underwhelming. He knew of this already deep down. Denial, he finds, clings to your mind and destroys reason. And love was, well, something of a foreign emotion and experience. Yet, Jonathan seemed intent on giving it to him in spades.

He should say something in response. To Jonathan not wanting to lose him completely. To still want to see him even once everything falls apart. Instead, he wraps his arms around Jonathan's neck to pull him into a kiss. Probably a bit awkward to kiss him in his home where his siblings and parents can easily walk in on them. Frankly, he doesn't care.

"I know." He replies. He's heard Abel say that more than once and nothing's changed.

Jonathan goes easy as Abel pulls him into the kiss, his hands settling on the other's hips. He didn't think it was awkward to be kissed here of all places, it wasn't like he wouldn't be able to hear anyone coming up on them and he knows the worst his folks would do if they walked in on this, would be to tease him endlessly. None of that seemed to matter right now though.

The kiss felt like an answer to a question he didn't have to ask. He pulls away just a fraction for a brief moment to smile before he presses another kiss against the other's lips. The kiss was different than the one he had initiated the last time, of course, circumstances weren't the same. There hadn't been a nightmare. He always did wonder if he had been in the wrong for that one, it wasn't the best way to try an comfort the other in such a situation but his feelings had gotten the better of him then.

In this moment, Jonathan was happy, even if it felt like his heart was racing too fast and the feeling of butterflies filled his stomach. He completely forgot about the danger that potentially waited back home for them both.

Abel had always been fond of kisses. He liked the taste of others and he liked the distraction. That being said, he had never found kisses to be anymore than just a physical affection and affection was used rather graciously in this sense. Affection perhaps the wrong word to use when he only ever been in it for the pleasure. He couldn't say he cared much about his partners and he knew that his partners didn't care back in return. It was shallow at best.

With Jonathan though. Kisses felt like fresh air. Like he suddenly knew what it felt like to be alive; a feeling long forgotten.

He'll take whatever he can get from the other; more than happy to return the kiss. He threads his fingers in Jonathan's hair before pulling back slightly. "You're also a terrible influence, I'm finding." And yet, he can't help but smile softly at the other.

Physical touch was one of Jonathan's love languages, besides his use of general affection. Kisses were certainly something he'd never tire of, even if he was rather selective of his partners. He may not have had as many as Abel, mostly out of lack of time but he knew to give them his complete attention and care.

Jonathan tilts his head against the other's touch, "Oh? How so?" He asks innocently enough, wrapping his arms around the other and hoisting him up to carefully maneuver towards the couch where he plops against it, allowing the other to straddle his lap. He knew better than to do anything risky worthy here but it beat having to take the time to go back upstairs, at least for the moment.

He still keeps close as he keeps his arms around the other loose. He didn't think he'd have much power in terms of influencing the other in any way but he stands corrected in that regard.

Abel easily lets the other lift him up. He had always been rather lithe in form and Jonathan had always shown to be rather powerful. Physically, the other trumped him in strength, though that really wasn't hard when he spent much of his time working.

He seems rather comfortable where he's seated and tilts his head as he seems to observe the other.

"I've never pegged myself as a romantic," he says with a bit of a shrug. Maybe that's a bit of a lie though. Abel had always been enamored by things like true love and love at first sight. Complete devotion. Things that were devoid in his life and ideas that he never thought would apply to him. Romance was merely fairytales and fiction.

His smile turns a little more sly though. "I expected you to be a little more prudent given where we are though." His tone was rather teasing.

"And yet, you gravitated towards the romance novel sections at the bookstores yesterday." He replies with a raised brow, a bit skeptical. Their adventure in the city only gave him brief glances at what he suspected Abel's interests were without the other explicitly saying so. Romance was a concept, he thought, that everyone longed for in some shape or form.

"Maybe... I'm not the only one who's a terrible influence." Jonathan smirks in return, he didn't have the confidence with previous partners to ever have them like this in the middle of his parent's living room. Not even as a teenager like his siblings. He had always been one to keep such instances of affection behind a closed or locked door.

Now, he felt a bit more bold, even if he'd still crumble easily out of embarrassment if the situation tipped out of his favor.

Edited 2020-06-26 21:52 (UTC)

The comment manages to fluster the Brit. It makes sense for Jonathan to have a keen eye and keep note of particulars about him, but being called out in such a manner- "So I find them the most interesting to read. I hardly would call myself a romantic because I read them," he replies with a huff.

A click of his tongue. "And you're blaming me for your boldness? I could certainly make things more exciting if that's what you're implying," he replies with a slightly raised eyebrow.

He is certainly not opposed, though it's a very different situation because he had never been attached to anyone he decided to lay with.

He doesn't actually expect anything to happen either.

Jonathan smiles softly at the other, "I think it still counts as romantic points. You like the elements in them, right?" He hadn't read many romance novels, maybe when he was younger, but he's certainly watched more romance films than he could keep track of, thanks to his sisters. He thought it was rather adorable for the other to have an interest in them, "Have I crossed off any romantic boxes yet?"

His hands slide down the outside of Abel's thighs before he brings up a hand to gently take hold of one of the other's hands that were tangled in his hair, to press a soft kiss against his bandage palm.

He chuckles a bit, "I'm not blaming you, no. If anything, I should be thanking you." There wasn't a doubt in his mind that the other was able to make things more exciting. He was a bit nervous about what that might've meant though, in a good way.

Jonathan liked to take things slow, if his slow build up to this point wasn't obvious enough, so taking things to the next level likely wouldn't happen here of all places where his family was nosy to a point. But he also knows how quickly things could change in the heat of the moment too.

Abel doesn't answer the other. Why did he like romance novels?

He really doesn't want to get into it. That's a little too much to expose about himself and he's not quite ready to bare his soul that much to the other. He'll just flush a bit and frown (pout?). "You've failed them all," he says. What a brat. He's definitely being a brat.

It's impossibly hard to be mad at the other when they're being so incredibly sweet. He tilts his head slightly; puzzled. "Thank me for what? I've not done a thing," Abel says curiously. Jonathan manages to confuse him despite him being able to read his thoughts. He just never quite understood them.

Jonathan pretends be a bit hurt that he missed the marks, tilting his head a little and placing his own hand on his chest, "I honestly thought I would've hit at least one." He says, before he ends up smiling, "Guess, I'll just have to try harder."

He has an idea of where to start but of course, Abel was a little difficult to read when he still knew only a fraction about what he liked. It was like he was tossing everything he knew into the wind and seeing how the other would react to it. So far, its been generally positive.

His expression softens as he drops his gaze for a moment, "You didn't have to. Its a little hard to explain but you make me want to be better and its a thought I hadn't had before this particular job." Working alongside the other had certainly taught him a lesson on being more patient but also more empathetic and not to complete judge a book by its cover.

"You try much too hard already," Abel says with a bit of an exasperated tone. This guy was unbelievable.

He looks bewildered for a moment. He would consider the other lying if he were not privvy to Jonathan's thoughts. Why would someone want to be better when he, himself, was something so dirty and irredeemable. He doesn't understand other than it's a reminder that the other was way out of his league.

"Be better," his tone skeptical. "Have I ever told you that I really cannot make any sense of you? And I can read every single thought you have."

"You aren't the easiest person to court, you know. Its takes a bit of an effort." He says a bit amused. He hadn't considered that he was putting too much of an effort, clearly he had been according to the other. If it bothered him so, he would lighten up on the effort.

"You have mentioned it before, yes." He tilts his head, "Perhaps, you're putting too much thought into something so simple." Jonathan slides this arms around Abel's waist again. He didn't see Abel like he had seen himself, he wanted to show him that he was worth taking a chance for when so many others left him behind because of the walls he put up or because they didn't want to bother with putting for the effort.

He said it once before, that the other deserved to by happy, and he still stands by that. Abel deserved to experience all that was taken from him by his father and more.

"You shouldn't be trying to court me in the first place," he replies with a roll of his eyes. "You really only have yourself to blame at this point."

He frowns a little at that. Not in a particularly irritated manner, but because the statement was somewhat...he didn't know how to take it. Was it really as simple as the other was claiming? "It isn't quite so simple to me." A quiet huff as he rests his hands on Jonathan's arms. He smiles a little though. "Simple is boring though, I suppose."

Abel said that before too. Warned him not to get attached and yet, he fell hook, line and sinker. "If given a second chance to do it all over again from the beginning, I still wouldn't change a thing." He says as true to his feelings as he could and he completely takes responsibility for it.

He tries to understand it from Abel's point of view, how something as simple as this would be just that and how it might not be perceived that way based on their differing circumstances. "One day, I'll try to explain it better if it still confuses you." He offers before he leans forward a little, as if asking for another kiss.

They still had time to themselves before someone was bound to interrupt.

"I don't know how you've been single," Abel says with a bit of a snort. His word choice is rather deliberate though. He doesn't say that Jonathan is currently single, but he doesn't also say that he's taken either. Like he isn't sure what their current status is. Afraid to hear what the other considers them to be.

He shakes his head a little at that. "I don't want it explained." He thinks that his understanding isn't something intellectual. It's something more lacking that can't exactly be explained to him. He supposes he'll understand eventually.

He doesn't think too much on it though as he meets the other halfway for another kiss.

"Let's just say I'm not everyone's cup of tea." Jonathan smiles softly. Not everyone was keen to having someone be so strongly devoted to them, some might find it a tad bit suffocating, despite the way he presents it. As much as Jonathan would like to think of them in a relationship together already, he still hadn't asked the other explicitly if that's what he would want. He knows he should ask.

"Okay." He hums, letting the subject drop. After the other returns the kiss, he pulls away, "What do you want us to be?" He asks, having dropped his gaze for a brief moment before he looks up at the other.

Jonathan didn't mind what answer Abel would give him, he'd respect it; be it that this was just a fling or something more. He was also fine if the other didn't give him an answer right away either. He wasn't going to rush him.

"Well, perhaps you're a tad overbearing. Unnecessarily so," he replies with a bit of a chuckle. He could, perhaps, understand that. He was a private person, but Jonathan always backed off when he demanded. For the most part.

Abel doesn't say anything for a moment. What he wanted...

He furrows his brows for a moment. His voice is quiet and perhaps there's a certain fragility to it. "Am I allowed that? To decide?" He's never had it. Choice. The ability to have something and be given it. "Is this okay? To want." A pause. "To have."

"I'll have to work on that." He replies. There was always room for self-improvement and he can certainly change a few things.

His heart breaks just a little at that as he cups the other's face in his hands, his expression soft, "Yes, you're allowed to decide and if its what you want then its okay to have." He reassures. For the most part, he's always given Abel choices or, at least, he's tried to when he didn't decide to force the other to agree to something like coming away with him for a day or two.

For something like this, he wanted the choice to belong to the other. They both knew the cons, even if Jonathan would try at any means necessary to still make it work, "Whatever you decide, I'll be okay with."

He doesn't answer the other for a bit. He considers it. It was his choice. They could be whatever he wanted.

It's so tempting. Yet, as tempting as it was he also realizes that he doesn't want to be selfish. He didn't want to call this something when he knew that things were going to fall apart. It would be foolish of him to pretend that him being here was defying his father and the trouble it brings.

He cared about Jonathan. "We can't," he says so quietly. He won't do that to Jonathan. Tie him to something that wasn't going to work out. He pulls away from the other. "Thank you though."

Jonathan prepares himself for Abel's answer and when the other gives it all he can do is smile, keeping his expression soft as he drops his hands. He'll admit to being a bit heartbroken but he expected it so he doesn't dwell on the emotion, he gives a small nod. "If that's what you want, then okay."

He gently places his hand on top of Abel's head though, despite the other having pulled away from his hands a moment before, "Should you ever change your mind, the choice is still open." He doubts the other would change their mind but he still leaves the option open just in case.

Being preoccupied with Abel, he failed to catch the scent of his sisters lingering in the doorway near the kitchen until one of them whistled a tune, "We're not interrupting something scandalous, are we?" One of them asked as they grinned widely and bounded over towards the couch, each taking a spot on either side of Jonathan as they leaned over the back.

Jonathan freezes at the sound of them before having tilted his head back, "Not at all. Do you two need something?" He asks, his face a bit flushed as he tried to remain cool despite being caught with Abel on his lap. His sisters chimed, "We were hoping to borrow Abel before dinner, if that was okay? Seeing as the two of you look like you might be busy."

It is and isn't what he wants. It isn't what he selfishly wants. If he really followed what ha honestly wanted, he'd jump on it. What he wanted more though was for Jonathan's happiness and that outweighed his own selfish wants it seems.

Faerie tales where things work out and they live happily ever after is not something that he'll get. They're nice delusions and things to daydream about though.

Abel snorts a little at that comment. "Scandalous? If only. Not once has he tried to even ravish me when his room is connected to mine. No one would be any wiser," Abel replies with a shrug. These kind of things didn't fluster him at all and he certainly didn't seem to mind to say anything shameless either. "Really, I imagine clothes to be more rumpled or not on at all. This is probably the tamest lap sitting I've done."

Though, now he was curious. "Borrow me for what?"

If he had known what Abel was thinking, he would've told him to be selfish. His happiness was adaptable considering being around Abel was a factor in it. He enjoyed the other's company so much to the point where if Abel was happy, so was he. Even with the other's choice, he could still be happy without the formal title of what their relationship was or could've been.

Jonathan all but stares wide eyed at the ceiling, his face definitely flushing more as Abel makes his comments and his sisters just grin wider and wider as they hover over his face. "What ?!" One says playfully before the other glances in Abel's direction, "Unfortunately, he's not that proactive." She looks back at her little brother and pokes his cheek, "How dare you not swoon him by now, he's cute and you're blowing it."

He instinctually covers his face with his hands, "H-Hey... how did I end up being triple teamed like this?"

They giggle before turning to Abel, "We were hoping you could model some things for us but now I think we can turn it into a bit of a game. If you were interested, of course, we don't want to force you into anything but it'll help pass the time." The other chimes in, holding a finger up, "Jonathan is usually our test subject but we couldn't resist asking."

"I'm sure I could present myself like a meal and he wouldn't take it," Abel says with a laugh. "An absolute shame." It's much easier to tease the other instead of ponder on the more serious topic that they were talking about.

He just grins cheekily. "You make it easy. I suppose something has to be easy since you don't make it easy to sleep with." Though, it's not like they actually talked about it nor had there been many chances for it. Still, he could bully the other just a tad if only to deflect.

Abel turns his attention back to them. "I don't see why not. I have nothing pressing to do." Seeing as they had all but fled his estate and he took nothing on him that was work related. He really didn't have anything on him to pass the time. "I don't really have any sort of modeling experience though."

When love became an act of defiance

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