prohibitions | When love became an act of defiance

"I did. Mostly because of this very reason and I doubted if you would ever take me up on coming to me in the middle of the night. So if I came to you, it would just be easier.." He gives a little shrug.

To not comfort after a nightmare or to do nothing at all was appalling to him. To know this was happening and not want to help was heartless and that wasn't him.

Jonathan chuckles softly before plopping back down himself, turning on his side, "You're one to talk." He pauses before he replies quieter, "I care too much, remember? And maybe i'm too dense to understand why but if I'm around and its within my power to help, then i'm going to."

Then he can say that he tried instead of standing back and doing nothing. In the dark, he stares at Abel's silhouette as if he was waiting for the other to go back to sleep so that he could try the same, fully prepared for an all-nighter if he needed to stay awake.

"Stubbornness is the only thing I have to get me through the days." Resilience wasn't because he wanted to be resilient. It was because he really had no choice but to be resilient. "You know, you say things like that and you make it hard not to call you a dumb dog," Abel says with a click of his tongue. As though he wanted to really insult the other, but his heart wasn't at all on it.

Abel just curls up under the sheets, keeping his back to the other. His breathing has calmed down, but it's obvious that the man was struggling to bring himself to sleep again. Maybe he couldn't or maybe he was afraid to. The risk of being dragged into a night of screaming with the other right there now.

His body was still tense even with everything having passed. That no matter how casual he spoke, his body language gave him away.

A soft hum escapes as a reply. He thought about the recovery time it took for Abel to bounce back from these types of incidents. How he was never really quite himself for days afterwards until he was back to his usual self. He can see why he relied on being stubborn to get thru the mess his father ordered of him day in and day out.

There's a soft chuckle as Jonathan shifts onto his back, placing an arm over his eyes, "Yeah... yeah. Get the dumb dog thing out of your system... I think developing a soft spot for you is starting to make me immune at this point." The latter is said a lot softer than expected. If he hadn't gotten attached to the other, he likely would have snapped at him before his point. Made an effort to intimidate him into never calling him that but here he is not minding the insult or the attempt at one.

He's quiet for awhile, not quite asleep but it probably seems like he was with how even and slow his breathing was. He simply listens to the other, his breathing, his heart rate for anything abnormal but the longer time passes the more he realizes it was unlikely the other might actually sleep tonight. Whether it was because he was laying next to him or maybe out of fear of the nightmare continuing.

Jonathan drops his arm before reaching out with his other arm, fingertips pressed along Abel's spine gently. "Relax... staying like that isn't going to help." is all he says as if he can tell how tense he still was.

He flinches a bit at the touch, but relaxes a tad once his mind registers that it's just Jonathan. Of course it is. This is his bed in his room and the other had climbed into bed with him because he couldn't get through a night without it being plagued with bad dreams.

Abel lets out a sigh. "It's easier said than done," he snaps. He sounds tired though and doesn't sound so mad so much exasperated. Maybe about the whole situation or something. He much rather be asleep, but that was alluding him right this moment. "It's not as though I want to be awake."

Even with sleeping earlier, he was still exhausted. Physically and mentally.

Jonathan stares at the other for a handful of seconds before he sits up, leaning towards Abel as he reached up for gentle fingers to turn the other's face towards him. Its moments like this he's almost grateful for his nature because it lent for excellent eyesight in the dark.

He didn't have to worry about fumbling in the dark, though really he's not sure why he's doing this at all. It'll only lead to confusion, the suspicion of an ulterior motive, but its the only distraction he can really think of.

His thoughts would normally read as a jumbled, hectic mess for something like this but in the moment, they're unusually quiet.

It would distract from the fear Abel was harboring for the continued nightmares and maybe, it'll be enough to help the other relax enough to sleep once the other bombarded him with questions. Without so much as a word, Jonathan leans down to press a lingering kiss against Abel's lips, his own heartbeat racing at the action before he dares to pull away.

He's completely taken by surprise when he feels Jonathan's lips on his own. An astonishing feat given that Abel should have been able to pick up such thoughts of doing so, but perhaps his mind was a complete mess that he was having trouble parsing Jonathan's thoughts and even his own.

At the moment though, his mind is completely blank.

Abel is confused. Why had the other kissed him? Was there a reason for it? But then he honestly realizes he doesn't care if there is a reason. He just realizes he hadn't reacted in anyway before the other pulls away. He can't make the other out like how Jonathan can make out Abel. Wide eyes and just slightly slack jaw.

And then Abel moves to sit up before he's pressing his mouth against Jonathan's again. Desperate. Wanting. Needy.

Judging by the reaction the kiss earns him, it might have the effect he was going for. It would certainly preoccupy the other's thoughts over the ones concerning the nightmare.

Jonathan straightens up, fully prepared to sit in an awkward silence or even be told to leave but then Abel is moving to sit up and the other is kissing him again. He wasn't expecting the other to return the affection and yet...

He brings a hand up to brush a thumb against Abel's cheek as he hesitantly deeps the kiss. As if he wasn't sure if he was allowed to go as far. This was his boss. It makes Jonathan wonder if its a mutual feeling. He certainly held a crush on the other but he doubts if Abel ever felt the same or if this was all out of desperation for a distraction or simply a need for a distraction for everything.

All of his moves are uncertain. Like his movements hadn't quite caught up with what his brain wanted to do but he also doesn't pressure the other either. Leaving everything open for it Abel wanted to stop at any point.

Abel can't say how he feels about the other. Whether it was because he held feelings for the other or what. The other certainly confused him in a multitude of ways. Nothing Jonathan did made much sense to him. It shook what he was used to and it left him slightly lost.

None of that mattered though as he desperately continued to kiss the other. It was clumsy and fervent; nothing like how Abel usually presents himself.

Love was such a foreign feeling. No, he knew how to feel and express love. Receiving it though? It wasn't something he thinks he had since he was a child. He hadn't realized how starved he was for it, but now the other has given him a taste and he's desperate for more.

In good consciousness, Jonathan couldn't allow this to go any further than this. While this was meant as a distraction to help, Abel was still injured and traumatized from the day's ordeal and even with such desperation behind the other's kisses, he just couldn't give in to such temptation. It didn't seem right.

He continues to kiss the other regardless, trying to put just as much heated want behind it before he eventually breaks the kiss to catch his breath. He stays close, panting against the other's mouth, his heartbeat racing in his ears.

His voice is soft as he collects his thoughts, "Abel... I..," He stops himself because really what could he really say? He acted on impulse in hopes it was something that would help but now he wonders if this would only make things awkward between them.

Abel can't help but laugh. What an absolute fool. He isn't sure if he's thinking Jonathan is a fool or himself though.

He pulls away from the other. Goes back to laying on his side with his back turned to the other. Puts distance between them. It was best if he kept the other at arm's length. There wasn't a future for them, he was sure. And even then, Jonathan deserved someone better than him.

"You're really just too nice. Most would happily take advantage of the situation. You really are one of a kind." Something he shouldn't taint. "You could certainly do better."

The laugh catches Jonathan off guard but under the cover of darkness, the other couldn't read his confusion. Instead, he watches the other lay back down like he had been before, leaving him to simply sit in his spot for little while longer.

He's quiet for the moment, a hand grasping the front of his shirt while he tried to sort out his own feelings for the other. He glances over at Abel, "I thought about it but after everything you've dealt with today, it just didn't seem like the right choice." He's very much aware how easy it would have been to give in to the temptation of it.

There's a soft chuckle from him at the later comment, "I probably could... though I'm sure the heart will still do what it wants with little regard to that."

Abel shouldn't worry about tainting him. More powerful men have tried.

"Right is merely an opinion. There isn't really a right choice." Right really differed from person to person and he found that what someone considers the right choice could be wrong to another person. "I suppose it's more like whether you're a decent person or not." And Jonathan was really more than just a decent person.

And he imagines there is certainly no future because he wasn't what you would consider a decent person.

"Save yourself the trouble." Jonathan was either going to be heartbroken or he'll realize what he might be chasing is well out of reach and move on.

"Never really thought of it like that before." It certainly made sense. Rights were usually gut feeling that he couldn't ignore and he followed them. More oftentimes, it was hard to do because they usually fell under orders and he's forced to ignore it and the guilt of not following through plagued him afterward but he's learned to deal with that and accept it.

Jonathan is quiet before he chimes with, "What if I don't?" its a question he already knows the answer to, or at least, an idea as to how Abel would answer but he still asks it all the same. He knows its something he should give up pursuing if he wanted to save himself but he doesn't want to. Abel had reiterated that and yet, he's stubborn when it comes to the heart.

Abel says one thing but his actions say another and he finds it confusing.

"I think about it all the time," Abel replies with. Because he can say that plenty of the people he has had to interact with think what they're doing is right, but isn't what most may think is right. It really does boil down to perspective sometimes.

He's quiet for a moment before he speaks. "Do you imagine a future? With me? Honestly speaking." Because he really doesn't. They live very different worlds and Abel is no fool about his lot in life. "Because you're wasting your time and mine if you can't even imagine that."

A soft hum leaves him as a sort of reply. Guessing in the realm of the rich and powerful, rights vastly differed here than down the line. Thought the premise was rather the same. Jonathan tilts his head in thought for a second before replying.

"Had you asked me that months ago, I would've said no." He pauses, shifting a little to bring a leg up to his chest, leaning forward as he wraps his arms around it, "But recently, I've been putting a lot of thought into it, probably lost sleep over it a few times, if I'm being honest."

There were nights where he would lay awake, staring at the ceiling, mumbling to himself until the early rays of sunlight poked through the window. He tried not to let those sleepless nights affect his work though. Carrying on as if he got his usual sleeping hours when he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep.

"I never pictured it as being easy especially while you're still attached to your father's leash but I always wonder what you'd be like off of it. If you'd actually be happier...if you'd actually be happy with someone like me..." He trails off. He's seen the way Abel interacts with people, how easily they fall for him despite knowing the other is probably just telling them what they wanted to hear. The other could have anyone that he wanted if he didn't push people away.

Jonathan glances over at the other, "So, yes. I have imagined a future with you and whether or not its given a chance is really up to you."

Ah, this is becoming quite a mess, Abel thinks. It was one thing for his emotions to be a mess and for him to get attached in whatever unhealthy way. It was another thing to drag someone else into the affair. To yearn for something that wasn't plausible. Possible. At least what he thought wasn't a possibility.

"You really do waste your time," Abel replies. He doesn't turn to look at the other, but his voice is a touch more sad than he wanted to let on. "It's not really up to me. I've not ever had control of my future, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Everything about his life had been at the whims of others. He can't imagine an escape from it. "Besides, I've never known a life outside a cage. I fear that I really don't know how to fly because I never learned."

It was a resignation. Defeat. For as unruly he was towards his father, the man had been rather successful in clipping his wings so to speak. He knew the harsh realities of life, yet still was so sheltered. He didn't know a thing about living outside of the gilded walls of the estate.

There's a soft chuckle, "Its not wasted time if its important." Yes, sleep is important to but outside of that, anything involving Abel will always be the top priority for Jonathan. Even if it was unrelated to the work he was doing here. He's quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts, helping the other go against his father was a bit of a double edged sword.

Going up to his employer to ask for anything involving the other would likely been seen as a joke and dismissed or even a threat might occur against his continued employment. If he used force, it would get him fired or worse and then placed ten-folded on Abel. It really was a sort of lose-lose scenario when he really thought about it. But he didn't want to give up on the idea of freeing Abel from being trapped in such a cruel gilded cage.

Jonathan shifts to lean over the other again, this time reaching for one of his hands, his touch gentle as he lifts up his arm, just holding onto his hand between his. "Everyone can learn how to. You just need a gentle hand and patience. A life outside a cage isn't too hard if you have those."

He can't speak from experience, he's never lived in a cage like Abel does but if his parents told him anything its that if you're patient enough anything can work out in the end. He's hoping the same with happen with this.

A long pause. "Was there ever a time before the cage?" He asks softly, surely he wasn't always kept like this by his father. Abel must've had friends or some semblance of a normal life before all this?

Abel's actions and his words seemed to always work against each other. He doesn't push the other away at all. Instead, he entwines his fingers with Jonathan's own. He was probably giving the other nothing but mixed messages, but his situation was complex like that.

"I technically had all the freedom in the world. My father didn't care for me at all growing up. I was usually left to my own devices." His father hadn't cared about him, since he had an older brother. His father had only cared for who he had thought would be his heir and carry the family name and legacy. "I went to a fairly prestigious boarding school for a short while."

It was so long ago that he isn't sure he quite remembers a time where he had that kind of freedom. When his mind wasn't crushed under the weight of all the thoughts of everyone else. He doesn't really remember what it's like to have peace and quiet. "Things changed when my abilities manifested. I suddenly had worth," Abel spits out.

Since his employment, Jonathan has learned to not take everything that Abel says or does at face value, especially under circumstances like these. As the other entwines his fingers with his, he makes sure to keep the hold light and gentle, what with Abel's bandaged hands and all.

The longer he listens to Abel's recount, the more it really pieces together just how long the other has been trapped in his gilded cage. Abel went from not even being on his father's radar to suddenly being important enough to keep close, protected and leashed. But he wouldn't place any of this under love, more under personal gain and nothing more.

He stares at the silver cuff on Abel's wrist in the dark, "Had they never manifested... you would be living a completely different life, I imagine." They never would have met. Or rather, they might've, just under completely different circumstances but their relationship wouldn't be like this, he thinks.

Jonathan hadn't been at Abel's side all his life, nor had he been in his charge for years, only months. Even then, he found it a bit difficult to imagine not to working with him or not having him around at all. What will he do once his contract was up? Ask for an extension? Would that be too suspicious from his father's perspective?

.... Guess he really was a more attached to the other than he originally thought.

He presses a kiss to the back of Abel's hand before he moves to finally lay back down, keeping the other's hand close to his chest.

"Had I not been naturally extraordinary, I would have been free to pursue whatever I pleased. As long as it didn't tarnish my family name, it wouldn't have mattered what I decided I wanted to do. Hell, he probably wouldn't care if I did nothing with myself," Abel replies. As long as he didn't cause any scandal, it would have probably been an ideal livelihood in luxury.

"Fame and fortune hardly as grand as people think it is." He thinks he would have been happy to live a painfully average life. At least he might be happy if he had.

Not that he can really imagine what that would be like either. His experiences are limited, and all he had was stories that he had read in books or the lives of other elites that he interacted with so regularly. He wasn't sure what being average was really like.

"I guess we should probably sleep." Perhaps he no longer wants to talk about how dreadfully depressing his life was. A change in subject or more like the dropping of it completely.

What a life that would be, he thought. If he could free the other from this place, he could still live a fairly average life. It would take work to get to that point and a fair amount of learning and maybe its a little silly for Jonathan to cling to such an uncertain hope for a better future but Abel deserves the chance at something far better than this.

"I can certainly believe that." There's an almost playful tone to his voice, thinking back to when Abel questioned the authenticity of his want for being friends without the need for something else in return. Fame and fortune were definitely things he could live without.

Jonathan was happy to drop the subject at the mention of sleep, knowing full well that Abel needed the rest more than anyone. "We probably should. Its been a long enough day as is." He can definitely see sleeping in as a possibility in the morning since he can't imagine either of them jumping at the chance to wake up at a decent time, especially after today.

"I'll wake you again if you have another nightmare." He says as he gives Abel's hand a reassuring squeeze. Its not like he can really ignore the other now that they were close; he may sleep like the dead but he'll snap out of it just a quickly as before.

Jonathan doesn't drift off to sleep right away but rather, stares up at the ceiling, keeping his thoughts to a minimum before eventually his eyes get heavy and allows himself to sleep.

When love became an act of defiance

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