prohibitions | When love became an act of defiance

There's a soft smile as Abel leans into the touch, it reminded him of that morning on his second day where he did the same. Though he shuts the thought almost immediately since he's kept that a secret all this time. It would be rather foolish to let a stray thought reveal it now. Not that it really mattered. He's already seen Abel at his most vulnerable.

Jonathan helps the other sit up, just in case, before he moves to stand and cross the room to grab the dinner tray. Setting it on the bedside table and taking a seat in his former spot on the bed's edge close to the other before passing the spoon towards Abel to see if he could manage or not while he held onto the bowl.

When he sees him struggle though, he motions for the spoon and feeds him instead. Much like a parent would for their sick or injured child. The bowl hovered below every time he lifted a spoonful since no one wanted to have warm soup spill on themselves.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight? or would you prefer to be alone?" He asks as he lifts up a another spoonful. It didn't matter which Abel chose, he just wanted the other to be as comfortable as possible. And he can't imagine a day like today would allow for a peaceful sleep.

He doesn't relinquish the spoon at first until the other takes it from him. A stubborn man through and through and he hated to be this weak. He couldn't even clench his hands into fists without quite a bit of work.

"You don't have to stay," Abel says automatically. He wasn't going to subject the other to babysitting him. He wasn't about to start having to rely on someone when he had gotten this far without needing to rely on someone else for any kind of support.

It's not like the other had to lose sleep because he was going to lose sleep. One of them can have a peaceful night of sleep.

Weakness was no one's favorite game. Especially when one struggles to rely on others. Jonathan tries to imagine Abel going through all of this on his own and what that might've looked like. Did other valets help him through this too? or was he the first? or did they ignore him?

"Is that what you want or is that you're pride talking?" He asks, they seemed to have very different views and while he'll always respect the other's choice. He can't help but feel the other will always keep him at arm's length because that was something he was always used to doing.

Sleep didn't matter to him with how easily he can sleep anywhere and with habit burned into him, he can easily stay up if need be. He's quiet until Abel finishes the bowl and turns to place it on the tray, offering up the cup of tea and the dessert to see if Abel wanted either choice.

"You know my door is always open to you should you need it." He says softly, he did plan to leave the adjoining door cracked open if Abel told him not to stay.

Abel didn't have much of an appetite, but the man takes both. The tea was more for his nerve and it was somewhat soothing for his throat. The dessert was simply because he just wanted it. It did make him feel a tad better, as sweets tended to do. Even if he's slow to eat it.

"It's what I want," Abel replies firmly. Of course, this was probably his pride talking. Ever so stubborn and he doesn't think he really has to force someone to watch him while he slept. He could surely weather through this.

He looks down at the contents of his tea cup. "I'll be fine." Will he really though? It's not a very good lie, but maybe he's saying it for himself more than to convince the other.

Jonathan hums softly with a slight nod, accepting Abel's choice. He's proud of the other for eating as much as he did when he usually didn't bother to touch most of his food besides the tea and dessert.

He does give the other a soft look when he says he's fine, he finds it hard to believe, of course, but he doesn't press further. He raises his hand, gently setting it on the other's head before he leans forward to place a kiss against his temple.

The action was likely going to be read differently by the other and while he hasn't come to terms with his own feelings, he intended for it to be in a platonic sense. Comfort and affection went a long way in circumstances like this.

"I'll leave the teapot with you, in case you want more. Try to get some rest, though if you need or want it at any point tonight, you can always sleep with me. I won't mind." He gives the other a soft smile as he gets to his feet, piling the dishes onto the tray before leaving the teapot behind and taking the rest in hand, "Goodnight, Abel." Heading towards his room, he glancing back at the other before leaving the door open a bit behind him.

Jonathan finds it difficult to fall asleep afterwards, knowing what he knows now made his thoughts swim as he stared at the ceiling before he eventually drifted to sleep.

Ah. He isn't sure how to feel about the hand on his head and the kiss that follows it. He had never really let anyone get passed his walls. Had never had anyone really attempt to. It's all rather confusing for him and he frowns a little in thought.

He bids the other a good evening as he looks at his tea as though it might tell him the answer to his conflicted thoughts and feelings. Eventually, he finishes the cup and places it back on its saucer. Abel only eats a bit of the dessert before he's really too tired to stay awake and curls back into his sheets to sleep.

Abel hadn't even realized the other hadn't shut the door completely, and it's smart of the other.

It isn't too long before the other might hear the constantly rustling of sheets followed by sobbing and then hoarse screaming. Because it was silly for anyone to think that he would have any semblance of decent sleep after the day he had gone through.

Jonathan didn't catch the rustling of sheets at first, slowly sitting up in a sleepy confusion when he picks up sobbing while he rubs at his eyes which quickly grew to practically jumping at the sound of hoarse screaming. He should have known better than to leave Abel alone tonight even with his firm decision that he'd be fine alone. Thank god, he left the door open. Otherwise, he would have never caught it.

He peels off the covers and walks over the adjoined door and quickly passing through to sit at the edge of Abel's bed like before. Hands instantly going to the other's shoulders to still his movements for a moment.

"Abel..! Hey!" There's a shake of his own to get the other to wake up, an attempt to pull him out of whatever nightmare he was having. He wasn't going to leave the other alone for the rest of the night after this, even if he tells him to leave.

The man was tossing and turning before the other is by his side. Between the sobs and screaming are words. Frantic begging and pleading for his unknown assailant to let him out. Apologizing profusely for his actions.

He wakes with a start, and for a moment there's no recognition in his eyes. As though his mind was still trapped in whatever scenario it had made. Just this pleading expression as he grips the others arm under his shaking fingers. "F-Father, please. Not again."

Jonathan's hands are gentle on Abel's face, worry etched on his features as he speaks reassuringly, "He's not here. I'm not going to hurt you."

To hear the other beg, plead and apologize makes him wonder just how long this sort of thing had been going for. How long did Abel's father leave him in the small closet for? How long till it was enough? How could he live with himself by doing this to his own son?

His touch is gentle as he leans forward till he was nearly hovering over the other. "He's not here. He's not here. It'll be okay."

It's a few minutes more before the other seems to finally recognize Jonathan for who he is. He swallows audibly and seems to be consciously trying to even his breathing out before finally saying something.

"Jonathan." The room is still dark, but he can hear Jonathan's thoughts and his silhouette was much different from his fathers. He slowly realizes they're merely in his room and he glances around before his grip on Jonathan's arms loosen up.

"I..." He's at a loss as to what to say.

Along with his questions, his thoughts varied between, He's not here., You're safe, I won't let him hurt you.. Just soft reassurances that the other wasn't going to be harmed. Waiting patiently for Abel to come out of it and calm down on his own.

"Shhh... you were having a nightmare. I heard you scream." Jonathan softly replies with as he gently brushes his thumbs against Abel's cheeks before eventually sitting up.

Before the other could object to it, he was already up and walking around to the other side of the bed and taking a spot next the other under the covers. "You're stuck with me tonight." He reaches out to put his hand on the other's head like before.

In reality, Abel was gonna be stuck with him for the next couple nights anyway but he didn't want to leave the other alone, in case of another nightmare.

Edited 2019-07-13 02:06 (UTC)

"You left the door ajar," Abel says softly. It wasn't so much of an accusation (although it was in some sense), but more of a statement. An understanding that the other intended to make sure to come to his side if something were to happen. He had been so exhausted that he hadn't noticed anything.

He sighs softly and ends up falling backwards to lay back down with a soft thud. The other obviously was conflicted in his thoughts. He hated looking so embarrassingly weak in front of the other. There was something touching about the other so concerned for him. It's a strange thing to him that he still doesn't quite understand. Why the other cared so much.

He doesn't look at the other. "You're bloody stubborn, you know. I didn't think you'd be this concerned." No one else had been.

"I did. Mostly because of this very reason and I doubted if you would ever take me up on coming to me in the middle of the night. So if I came to you, it would just be easier.." He gives a little shrug.

To not comfort after a nightmare or to do nothing at all was appalling to him. To know this was happening and not want to help was heartless and that wasn't him.

Jonathan chuckles softly before plopping back down himself, turning on his side, "You're one to talk." He pauses before he replies quieter, "I care too much, remember? And maybe i'm too dense to understand why but if I'm around and its within my power to help, then i'm going to."

Then he can say that he tried instead of standing back and doing nothing. In the dark, he stares at Abel's silhouette as if he was waiting for the other to go back to sleep so that he could try the same, fully prepared for an all-nighter if he needed to stay awake.

"Stubbornness is the only thing I have to get me through the days." Resilience wasn't because he wanted to be resilient. It was because he really had no choice but to be resilient. "You know, you say things like that and you make it hard not to call you a dumb dog," Abel says with a click of his tongue. As though he wanted to really insult the other, but his heart wasn't at all on it.

Abel just curls up under the sheets, keeping his back to the other. His breathing has calmed down, but it's obvious that the man was struggling to bring himself to sleep again. Maybe he couldn't or maybe he was afraid to. The risk of being dragged into a night of screaming with the other right there now.

His body was still tense even with everything having passed. That no matter how casual he spoke, his body language gave him away.

A soft hum escapes as a reply. He thought about the recovery time it took for Abel to bounce back from these types of incidents. How he was never really quite himself for days afterwards until he was back to his usual self. He can see why he relied on being stubborn to get thru the mess his father ordered of him day in and day out.

There's a soft chuckle as Jonathan shifts onto his back, placing an arm over his eyes, "Yeah... yeah. Get the dumb dog thing out of your system... I think developing a soft spot for you is starting to make me immune at this point." The latter is said a lot softer than expected. If he hadn't gotten attached to the other, he likely would have snapped at him before his point. Made an effort to intimidate him into never calling him that but here he is not minding the insult or the attempt at one.

He's quiet for awhile, not quite asleep but it probably seems like he was with how even and slow his breathing was. He simply listens to the other, his breathing, his heart rate for anything abnormal but the longer time passes the more he realizes it was unlikely the other might actually sleep tonight. Whether it was because he was laying next to him or maybe out of fear of the nightmare continuing.

Jonathan drops his arm before reaching out with his other arm, fingertips pressed along Abel's spine gently. "Relax... staying like that isn't going to help." is all he says as if he can tell how tense he still was.

He flinches a bit at the touch, but relaxes a tad once his mind registers that it's just Jonathan. Of course it is. This is his bed in his room and the other had climbed into bed with him because he couldn't get through a night without it being plagued with bad dreams.

Abel lets out a sigh. "It's easier said than done," he snaps. He sounds tired though and doesn't sound so mad so much exasperated. Maybe about the whole situation or something. He much rather be asleep, but that was alluding him right this moment. "It's not as though I want to be awake."

Even with sleeping earlier, he was still exhausted. Physically and mentally.

Jonathan stares at the other for a handful of seconds before he sits up, leaning towards Abel as he reached up for gentle fingers to turn the other's face towards him. Its moments like this he's almost grateful for his nature because it lent for excellent eyesight in the dark.

He didn't have to worry about fumbling in the dark, though really he's not sure why he's doing this at all. It'll only lead to confusion, the suspicion of an ulterior motive, but its the only distraction he can really think of.

His thoughts would normally read as a jumbled, hectic mess for something like this but in the moment, they're unusually quiet.

It would distract from the fear Abel was harboring for the continued nightmares and maybe, it'll be enough to help the other relax enough to sleep once the other bombarded him with questions. Without so much as a word, Jonathan leans down to press a lingering kiss against Abel's lips, his own heartbeat racing at the action before he dares to pull away.

He's completely taken by surprise when he feels Jonathan's lips on his own. An astonishing feat given that Abel should have been able to pick up such thoughts of doing so, but perhaps his mind was a complete mess that he was having trouble parsing Jonathan's thoughts and even his own.

At the moment though, his mind is completely blank.

Abel is confused. Why had the other kissed him? Was there a reason for it? But then he honestly realizes he doesn't care if there is a reason. He just realizes he hadn't reacted in anyway before the other pulls away. He can't make the other out like how Jonathan can make out Abel. Wide eyes and just slightly slack jaw.

And then Abel moves to sit up before he's pressing his mouth against Jonathan's again. Desperate. Wanting. Needy.

Judging by the reaction the kiss earns him, it might have the effect he was going for. It would certainly preoccupy the other's thoughts over the ones concerning the nightmare.

Jonathan straightens up, fully prepared to sit in an awkward silence or even be told to leave but then Abel is moving to sit up and the other is kissing him again. He wasn't expecting the other to return the affection and yet...

He brings a hand up to brush a thumb against Abel's cheek as he hesitantly deeps the kiss. As if he wasn't sure if he was allowed to go as far. This was his boss. It makes Jonathan wonder if its a mutual feeling. He certainly held a crush on the other but he doubts if Abel ever felt the same or if this was all out of desperation for a distraction or simply a need for a distraction for everything.

All of his moves are uncertain. Like his movements hadn't quite caught up with what his brain wanted to do but he also doesn't pressure the other either. Leaving everything open for it Abel wanted to stop at any point.

Abel can't say how he feels about the other. Whether it was because he held feelings for the other or what. The other certainly confused him in a multitude of ways. Nothing Jonathan did made much sense to him. It shook what he was used to and it left him slightly lost.

None of that mattered though as he desperately continued to kiss the other. It was clumsy and fervent; nothing like how Abel usually presents himself.

Love was such a foreign feeling. No, he knew how to feel and express love. Receiving it though? It wasn't something he thinks he had since he was a child. He hadn't realized how starved he was for it, but now the other has given him a taste and he's desperate for more.

In good consciousness, Jonathan couldn't allow this to go any further than this. While this was meant as a distraction to help, Abel was still injured and traumatized from the day's ordeal and even with such desperation behind the other's kisses, he just couldn't give in to such temptation. It didn't seem right.

He continues to kiss the other regardless, trying to put just as much heated want behind it before he eventually breaks the kiss to catch his breath. He stays close, panting against the other's mouth, his heartbeat racing in his ears.

His voice is soft as he collects his thoughts, "Abel... I..," He stops himself because really what could he really say? He acted on impulse in hopes it was something that would help but now he wonders if this would only make things awkward between them.

Abel can't help but laugh. What an absolute fool. He isn't sure if he's thinking Jonathan is a fool or himself though.

He pulls away from the other. Goes back to laying on his side with his back turned to the other. Puts distance between them. It was best if he kept the other at arm's length. There wasn't a future for them, he was sure. And even then, Jonathan deserved someone better than him.

"You're really just too nice. Most would happily take advantage of the situation. You really are one of a kind." Something he shouldn't taint. "You could certainly do better."

The laugh catches Jonathan off guard but under the cover of darkness, the other couldn't read his confusion. Instead, he watches the other lay back down like he had been before, leaving him to simply sit in his spot for little while longer.

He's quiet for the moment, a hand grasping the front of his shirt while he tried to sort out his own feelings for the other. He glances over at Abel, "I thought about it but after everything you've dealt with today, it just didn't seem like the right choice." He's very much aware how easy it would have been to give in to the temptation of it.

There's a soft chuckle from him at the later comment, "I probably could... though I'm sure the heart will still do what it wants with little regard to that."

Abel shouldn't worry about tainting him. More powerful men have tried.

"Right is merely an opinion. There isn't really a right choice." Right really differed from person to person and he found that what someone considers the right choice could be wrong to another person. "I suppose it's more like whether you're a decent person or not." And Jonathan was really more than just a decent person.

And he imagines there is certainly no future because he wasn't what you would consider a decent person.

"Save yourself the trouble." Jonathan was either going to be heartbroken or he'll realize what he might be chasing is well out of reach and move on.

"Never really thought of it like that before." It certainly made sense. Rights were usually gut feeling that he couldn't ignore and he followed them. More oftentimes, it was hard to do because they usually fell under orders and he's forced to ignore it and the guilt of not following through plagued him afterward but he's learned to deal with that and accept it.

Jonathan is quiet before he chimes with, "What if I don't?" its a question he already knows the answer to, or at least, an idea as to how Abel would answer but he still asks it all the same. He knows its something he should give up pursuing if he wanted to save himself but he doesn't want to. Abel had reiterated that and yet, he's stubborn when it comes to the heart.

Abel says one thing but his actions say another and he finds it confusing.

When love became an act of defiance

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